Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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