i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
