i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
