genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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