my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
