we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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