omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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