apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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