I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
