the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
