It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
