Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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