Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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