you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Two words: blizzard sex
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
