You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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