thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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