In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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