this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
