I wish I only lived at night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
