he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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