I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
