the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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