how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
