i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
