I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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