a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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