We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
