I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
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First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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