you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
