I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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