dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize