u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
