I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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