but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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