just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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