i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
