Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
