so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
