I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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