Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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