i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
