My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
