obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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