how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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