Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
