Life is so much better after having sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
