I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yo dont text me then not text me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Randomize
