Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.

Fav 4 3530 1072
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(661): View more from California

so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

Fav 22 6369 983
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(703): View more from Virginia

I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.

Fav 45 2243 5241
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(239): View more from Florida

Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?

(813): View more from Florida

Nah, just masturbating louder

Fav 7 5745 1384
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?

Fav 1 1669 758
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(641): View more from Iowa

This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.

Fav 13 1861 1014
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(207): View more from Maine

someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?

(1-207): View more from Maine

since 2006

Fav 7 2530 842
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(303): View more from Colorado

Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO

Fav 2 507 411
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(305): View more from Florida

I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door

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