break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
