i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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