You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
