I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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