im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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