Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
