He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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