i just google imaged poop.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
