those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
