My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
