I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
