Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
