Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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