don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
