Already got asked if we're dating
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
