you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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