so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
