Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
