i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
