the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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