We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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