3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
