i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
