you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
