I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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