Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
