I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
