I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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