I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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