Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
