You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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