every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
